i namaste

i want you to know i namaste
i see you

you have two beautiful hips
you’ve let mostly men
thrust themselves into
but it’s women
who leave soul marks you can still feel
when you touch them just right

your orgasm is not gender specific
on the right day you come from almost anybody inside
but it takes
time and soft hands
to induce the kind of release you’ve only seen
every other broken memory
the kind that leaves
pleasure marks
on more than body

you have three drops too much narcissism
it came with shame and worthlessness
that got into your skin too young
crept in through crimes you were far too young to understand
pains too deep to control
when unwanted touching wasn’t the worst crime committed
When turned faces and permission
stole pieces of innocence from the childhood in your soul
you filled you with all the pieces you had
told yourself you deserved more
keeping your soul alive
defining your worth with how much suffering you could hold inside
it’s no wonder your three drops too much narcissism
are saturated with
broken flavored masochism

i see you floundering, love
so let me tell you

you are terrified of loving and leaving at the same time
simultaneously, afraid to want, be wanted, and being unwanted
you feed yourself the scraps of love you think you deserve
because you were only ever fed scraps
money doesn’t always breed love, and you had money

i want you to see who you are, love
because i think you keep getting lost in other people’s pages
looking for pieces of yourself you’re afraid to understand
so let me tell you
because after all we’ve been through, i do

i see the mask of shame you put back on when all the touching is through
even on the best nights
it’s hovering over you
like a demon waiting to take back over when i’m through
trying to love you through it,
there are some nights not even your favorite song and hours of you on me could free you from the turmoil you hide
behind those black shadows and haunted eyes

i want you to know i namaste
i see you

you are more broken than survived
i wonder some nights how man drips of broken it takes to incapacitate the survived you fought so hard to find
some days you are so much more dark than light
the day you let me taste your broken i realized
there are certain flavors destruction
your mouth will never forget
i may spend the rest of my life searching for your distinct flavor

i want you to know i messed it up the first time
i didn’t see the darkness
only light
i didn’t see your light mirrors destruction
you have a unique ability to hold other brokens
because pain is a normal you’ve never not had
nobody sees it, but
every time someone leaves you a little lighter
you’re holding the remains they couldn’t carry
because a millisecond many memories ago
you taught yourself your worth is measured by the amount of suffering you hold before falling apart
—directly proportional to the pain you carry in your bones

i want you to know i see you, love

one day
i hope you’ll see
you’re worth more than the suffering you carry
you are not defined by the broken in your bones
you are inherently worthy
i have to love you from a distance right now
but if you like,
you can borrow my voice to say: you are worthy
borrow the love in my hands to write worthy across your body
borrow the empathy in my arms to wrap understanding across the parts of you you don’t know how to love
i love you
remember my lips and say:
inherently. i am worthy.
feel me loving you
while i can’t love you in my arms
i hope you remember
you are value


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